Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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