My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
