Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The feeling are messing with the penis
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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