Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dear god my vagina.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
