fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
