i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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