FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
