Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
