i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You can't special order awesome
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
