wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
