Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dicks are not precious.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
