too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
