My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
