Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
