Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
