So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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