"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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