Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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