She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
