Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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