So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
