I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
