dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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