So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
