I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
