24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
