im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
