Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
