Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You had me at "let me see your balls"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
