Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
