Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
