Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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