Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
