he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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