nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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