Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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