Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am midnight drunk by noon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
