I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
