I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Text me some of your sweat
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
