just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
