When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
