I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
