i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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