At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
