9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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