I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
