Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
