is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
