Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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