No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
