dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
