I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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