I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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