I'm so fucking centered right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
