Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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